Anyway she also claimed that her name was other than the name she had previously given me and that she did not believe I had her phone number. at the same time to see it all written down like that makes me know I wasn’t crazy. Also maybe you can start a free hobby that you can go to meetups with to make friends there? One day, after years of trying to do all the things a good Christian wife should be doing that weren’t working, googled what one of my kids asked – “why is he so angry all the time?” — after digging through all the articles of what I was doing wrong, and how I could make him happy by being a better wife, I stumbled across a PA article. I went grocery shopping for her once she told me to call her from the grocery store for the grocery list and she never answered the phone. This point is very valid, because writing, talking, thinking about their demise sends most victims into a state of dissociation….. where they unconsciously try to distance themselves from the distress that is so overwhelming to even recall. he showered me with affection and attention like nobody ever had. You are not alone in what you are suffering, and what you are feeling is totally normal. So many aspects of this article rang true that it is as if you were there in my marriage with me. It must be horrifying, riding inside of one’s own body powerless, now a passenger, watching your own paws breaking everything within reach, feral like a bear ransacking some campground. Your sister has had a long time living under this abuse, she is bound to be traumatized by the experience. I am here on my own, I have no friends I can speak to about it, because all my ‘friends’ are his friends, so I am unable to trust. Unfortunately, with all this distress around your little girl, you are still a huge source of narcissistic supply for him to toy with…… your distress is his pay off. Yet again, the victim gets further abused because of the ignorance that surrounds narcissistic abuse. The relationship was a 7 year ordeal of disgusting covert manipulation. Just want to let All the Victims of this Abuse,,,that there is HOPE..You are Not alone, and believe me, You will survive and live to tell about it and help others…but, first, you must know it’s not your fault, the Abuser took your Kindness for weakness, and ran with it..I left mine 11 years ago, and every year, during holidays, he always tries to sway himself back in As the Good Charming Guy,,just a game to see how far he could go with me. It’s just very disturbing and made me tear up abit knowing I was married to a complete psycho! Thank you for this article. Then she’ll calm down, turn on the charm, and we go another round. I text her saying I get it…. Finally, I told Dad, I was sorry, but I couldn’t come over just because my sister wanted me tool He hated that we didn’t get along, but my sister blamed me for it of course. Dear Kai, No you are not worthless. Many of these victims are learning on blogs and FB forums for emotional abuse that what they went through has a name. I am now 30. She’s been brainwashed by her narcissistic ex since my sister filed for divorce. EXPOSE THEM, EXPOSE THEM, EXPOSE THEM. Turns out, he was full of it. Buy now I have my ‘why’ and with the help of a therapist I will eventually be able to like myself again. You might be able to do that in the US too, it might cost you a little; or nothing if you are outpatient. They heard him scream as if HE were the victim by saying “WHY are you doing this.” The jerk was not used to me standing up for myself. And I worry… can I keep the growth, and not this suffering, or will I basically revert, since so many of my copping mechanisms are narcissistic (basically I grew because she did everything bigger badder than me, and I am reflective *enough* to take it and hope for better and my own growth.) You ARE in charge. I have been involved with a narcissist and gaslighter for 13 yrs! they also want hosts (narcissistic supply), so they will act out their behaviour on both males and females. but now i have lost all inspiration to do any art or writing, i cant get involved in any social situation without detachment and feel im looking at life thru a goldfish bowl. this resulted in a med student just listening to me talk. Perhaps you may not have realized that women can be equally as abusive, well, unfortunately they can be. I’m in college and my parents are paying my way. It’s all a control thing and me and my children are his possessions, only I wasn’t raised this way I knew something has been wrong and I have tried to break free and he would threaten he would commit suicide to keep me under his control and manipulative ways. Hey I’m ok thanks but unfortunately last night I have realised you are not for me. Learning to forgive has been a very challenging task for some of us, and for me, today, just having to meet with my father, to have to hear his voice on the phone, started to send me back to the very dark ages that I have worked so hard to climb out of. I grew up with a N-Mom who started her putting-down tricks when I was just 3. So the “pleasing” behaviour is a brilliant way a child uses to survive harshness. REALLY bad news when religion justifies the behavior. I felt I truly met my soulmate & that we connected on a level that was so much deeper than any relationship I ever had. I wasn’t able to describe it to friends and family, so I just said nothing. At age 33 or so I was trying to do the right thing by letting them see their grandson. He was/is charming, handsome, from a wealthy family, intelligent and seemingly moral. But I was told guys don’t get abused ! I have always been attracted to Narcissists because they are often exciting lively go ahead people who get on with life. I am kept under a kind of surveillance so that ‘magically’ they can appear at the right moment anywhere anytime. The irony of it is that even if I do find evidence, I start to question my perceptions. A mental three year old occupies the body. He said he would kill me if i left him, and last time i tried to leave he beat me up badly while my newborn was in the room . sister primarily. It’s been 18 years since breakup. Still recovering from the illness but he is gone from my life and I have graduated! gonna try and rush this story up…..anyhow we had our ups and downs like everybody does but i never doubted his love for me. They were very happy. That way you give them back their reality and power, and they will be in a position to be able to recognize the narcissist at work, and be equipt to guard themselves against further re-victimization. We have never been able to have an adult discussion because he says im always starting stuff, and blames me for all our arguments. It’s important to keep looking because I think having a support circle is essential to surviving gaslighting. Until that happens I am not sure I will ever be able to move on although I conscientiously know it is unlikely that he will ever admit anything. i think the proper medical attention will help me. God help me. The only thing is i feel somewhat afraid since she called. 2) I myself am a narcissist and a gaslighter who repeats this same horrible interaction with my romantic relationships and only realizes how destructive I was and am in reflection. My in laws favor my son as he is the first born and is named after my father in law due to their culture which case I feel as if they think that he is their’s like he is property. Whilst with my last partner I know I was not as responsible a mother as I should have been. I have not yet regained my self confidence but i hope to someday. Just this week I finally “came out” regarding my life story, w/friends and family. To “get me back” he will blatantly check out women in front of me to ryle me up and sadly it works. He tells me if I leave him he will take my daughter from me, keep everything we own, and move all the money so no one finds it. Warmest regards. HE WOULD SAY SOMETHING AND THEN SAY HE DIDN’T. BUT THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE HE DOES HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS A VICTIM OF. I feel for you. Wishing all of us strength and courage and love. is the equivalent of a high school diploma. She toyed with us all in a loop. I began to realise that I was finding her annoying especially as she had her own machine. He searched me out a year post and told me his story. Suitor #3 had an aneurysm right after I left. But it sure was not my world. They gaslight the life out of you. Through this journey, he has been in bed more than out and I have been left to fend for myself at our 42 acre farm we moved to, attempting to perform all tasks, chores, unpacking etc by myself. It usually takes a time to get over a narcissistic relationship, you find yourself petrified again I come out to see another shirt of his has been put in the closet. The worst part is, my mother even admitted to me that she has done this with others and I still never suspected she was doing it to me. We sincerely would love to diagnose and help our son in some way that really counts. IT’S THERE SUPPY. Can you imagine the nightmare I had writing my book….. it took me one month to write it, and six months to correct it (lol). There is no help anywhere to be gotten to stop him. How would you warn people who trusted you? But I do consider it to be vital to educate yourself on narcissistic behaviour, I had ploughed all my life savings into a house and had no job and was an emotional wreck. ??????????? When I run into people from my past, they ask what happened with she and I. Thought not. When they are exposed to it for long enough, they begin to lose their sense of their own self. If going to all that bother, why would you stop short exposing men only, why not go the full hog and have a blog that exposes the women who are also doing the same damage to others. You have no power or authority over me. I am fine with that. NOW!!! Most narcissists do not go to therapy for the simple reason they do not think there is anything wrong with their behaviour. From birth, nature builds in unconscious defense mechanisms and adaptive behaviours in order to protect the child from annihilation from early trauma, and these same defenses remain throughout life when ever we are vulnerable to highly stressful experiences that threaten us with annihilation. Christine. Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. I have a similar situation in the family, my bf was abusive, he used to hit me for months, and I had children from him. Stay strong and get out! But now I prefer everything in measured amounts. I am surrounded by them and I am trying to learn from the strategies of Mindfulness/CBT/DBT to speak up for myself in a non re-active way….and I am tired. I did not want to do anything. We need to open our eyes wider I think! The number is 1-855-812-1001. I’m such a fool. The damage she has done to my psýché is huge … and Im very happy to say that after all that I still have my hopes and dreams … which she made look unsignificant. power, status, money, no witness to what goes in the room, etc.). It will take strength to recover from this abuse, but you have more strength than you think. I had to cut ties with my daughter (40) a few years ago. Make sure they know what they will need to say: name, address and telephone number. Could anyone please suggest where one goes from here – I believe there is healing and hope one day to be able to form a healthy relationship with somebody who does not intend me harm – but what are the next stages? it is what i referred to as psychic vampirism which has drawn to me some odd looks when i tried to describe my experience. When I started counseling my goal was to save the marriage, but unfortunately with what I am learning, I don’t think it can be saved because so far he has not been willing to admit the extent of the abuse. Unfortunately he has the advantage of the law backing him. Every thing that hurts a normal kind person has no effect on the sub human. Awaremess is growing and the tide is starting to turn here slowly. had to run for my life, he said he will kill me, and he was not only emotionally abusive, he was physically abusive, he tried to strangulate me, dono if this is gaslighting part or not. People loose their confidence, they fail to create a strong and successfuly family and there are those such as government and industry that succeed in profiting from peoples loss. WHY DOES IT GO ON AFTER THE BREAKUP? I hate it when I’m around her, I hate myself, I become obsessed with death and dying. If I confront her about it (which I’ve only done very recently) she breaks down crying and talks about how she’s a horrible mother in order to guilt me into consoling her. This has taken its emotional toll, especially as I’ve only realized this is an abnormal and unhealthy mother / daughter relationship. But it has taken years to understand it was domestic violence I went thru. He travels all over the country in a homeless fashion, begging for money and calling us for help via Western Union. She responds to it as if you really took a swing at her. Somehow every aspect of my life goes to this monster brain of all knowing how to destroy human being, who usually destroys anything or twists its reality into his ugliness deflecting all his wizardry of cruel evil doing onto me that becomes the unbecoming of myself that everyone sees. Innocence is alive in those eyes, alas powerless and mute. You must make it clear from the beginning what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. The answer may well be that her children never seemed to displease her. I have NO IDEA how to find a counselor that could understand and help and not “blame me” for his anger. But still, I find that the individual holds the key to even more strategies for guarding the various levels of defense that I have mentioned here. Andrea, you are the one that needs help,hot him. I don’t doubt that so many people were traumatized by this phenomenon, but I do find it hard to believe that the personality described as being the perpetrator really exists as such. It is a terrible cycle. I suggest that you keep reading and researching about Narcissistic Abuse…… there are also Forums that you may find useful for sharing information. AND THAT’S BECAUSE THEY HAVE TAKEN OR YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM YOUR LIGHT. Whenever I would call the house asking to talk to my oldest son, the phone left the ex’s ear and he’s yell loudly, “your lazy ass mother is on the phone, Josh.” He wasn’t a father to the 3 kids and especially the oldest he used him as a confidant and told him every thing about the divorce such as after it, how much he had to pay for spousal support. Thank you for putting a name to this insidious abuse. He has totally ignored a request for mediation to bring my daughter home, TOTALLY. It is not her that you don’t like, it is her behaviour. She brings out the worst in everybody. I will continue to follow you to see what I will need to not ever go back ever. He fought for full custody of the kids and said all of these horrible things about me. I am thankful that I am finally learning that it is not me, but rather him.
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