Like. You had tents?” Joke #6. A room temperature IQ. Officer: “Soldier. It’s hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm. 15. And who knows? Uncover inner peace and find the strength to move on with this guided journal + healing gift set which includes sage, a white purification candle, and a rose quartz stone. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 25. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them “There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Hot New Top Rising. Funny Military Joke-25. 2. Military Jokes and Puns. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. The right one may even get you out of a speeding ticket. Witty, Party, Two. We’ve put together a rather epic list of the best stupid jokes and one-liners that will have your audience giggling like titmice.. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. 8. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely won’t-be. The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc... read more Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. r/oneliners: A variety of funny, one line jokes in a well-moderated, friendly community! I would not breed from this Officer. One Marine says to the other, “man, I wish I could do that.” To which the other Marine replies, “no, you better not. JAVASCRIPT IS DISABLED. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. Warm wishes on Veterans Day to our heroes.” “Each and every scar that you wear is like a medal you have got for your service. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marine’s boots. Attention! You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. Join. Home » Blog » The 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever – Updated in 2021. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. USAF: Birds USA: Choppers USN: Helos USMC: OHH! Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. 60 Copy quote. There are two types of people in the world. Air Force Says “OKEY DOKEY?”. 31. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc... read more Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey Oh come on, you can admit it. More jokes about: military One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. Here are some classic Army and Navy jokes that are good G rated humor. The Marine said “Are you crazy? 18. Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. 10. Jokes among military members are as old as the military and the branches themselves. 33. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Please allow your browser to show adverts on the Trimdon Times – Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. 12. He has a photographic memory but has the lens cover glued on. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? USA: Choppers An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. 27. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc. No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties. Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” 70 Rockin' Music Puns! Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood. 29. 16. 8. Get up!” Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?”, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”, Army Says: “HOOOOOAH!” Jokes among military members are as old as the military and the branches themselves. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. You will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. This happened several times times throughout the flight. 39. All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!” 40. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. 44. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Too many are getting elected. "Well, sir, I graduated with honour's from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar and three DSO's after 12 months of expeditions behind enemy lines. 1. Soldier: “Sure, buddy.” The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. 45. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the US Army. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. 6. 3. 22. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. This is standard West Point and Annapolis heckling, but the goes well beyond the service academies and reach into the regular Army and Navy, among pilots, special forces, and other units as well. Britain's military has a long tradition of banter and belly-laughing jokes and the internet has gone into a frenzy for our selection of our favourites of all time. OHH OHOH! A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Here are the 6 best stupid jokes: If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. Hot New Top. Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?” An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: “What’s your problem, Soldier?” “Chronic syphilis, Sir” “What treatment are you getting?” “Five minutes with the wire brush each day.” “What’s your ambition?” “To get back to the front, Sir.” “Good man.” says the Major. 15 Clean Jokes And One-liners That Will Make Everyone Laugh. Also, ... Just one. Marine: “Wait, stop. So if you’re looking for inspiration, you’ve hit the motherload. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals and stayed in Germany for many years organizing … This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. Top 16 Marine Jokes Posted on October 8, 2018 October 1, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. A night under the stars EXAMPLES FROM BRITISH MILITARY OFFICER’S REPORTS. Find out more ways to make fun of your Jar head friends with some military humor and funny military jokes. in Best Jokes Collection. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. Make everyone smile and laugh on Veterans Day by sharing the funny Veterans Day memes and Veterans Day humor jokes with all. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals and stayed in Germany for many years organizing … Dirty Jokes inappropriate jokes Jokes If you are hurting, this guided journal is for you. Joke #5. Soldier: “No, SIR!”. So we’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of quips and puns about the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and Coast Guard. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. 23. Here are funny military jokes and puns. * United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775 * 1) Best h, Really Short Funny Jokes. A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. 21. Military Jokes and Puns. Funny Military Jokes. thumb_up 4. 43. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. Being in the military can be a tough job, so the ability to joke about your occupation is pretty much a necessity. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. At Mantelligence, we believe there’s only one thing better than a good joke – a joke that’s so stupid it’s good.From jaw-dropping double entendres to tear-jerking puns, there are some real gems out there. Great jokes, I’m an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. 7. One soldier mused: "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" Those of you who have teens can tell them clean military tactical dad jokes. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? 2. He holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him. This man hasn’t got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a one legged budgie. Why were the Marines invented? they are the only regular source of income on our website! After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Technically sound, but socially impossible. Top 41 Military Jokes Posted on October 5, 2018 October 11, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet. 34. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar … 11. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. The 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever – Updated in 2021, Best Knife Steels and How to Choose The Right Type (with Comparison Charts), 18 Best Throwing Knives in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide), 23 Best Tactical Backpacks in 2021 (All Price Ranges), 22 Best Tactical Pens in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide), 34 Best Fixed Blade Knives in 2021 (Reviews and Buying Guide). 17. Rising. 5. 101 Jokes and One Liners for Kids! Hot. You had tents?”, USAF: Birds He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. ), Trimdon Village, Trimdon Station, Deaf Hill, Trimdon Grange, Trimdon Colliery. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! Also, check out our other funny jokes … He donated his body to science before he was done using it. Military Murphy’s Laws Deputy Secretary of Defense Cyrus Vance There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order. This officer can be likened to a small puppy – he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. ... Army jokes include military jokes, officer jokes, soldier jokes, war jokes, general jokes, sergeant jokes, enlisting jokes, private jokes and lieutenant jokes. 24. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. 35. Every military branch thinks that they’re the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. ... She was feeling generous when it came to Thanksgiving, so she called up the local military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. You know you can’t outrun a bear, right?”, The soldier said, ” The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.”. 70 Funny Limericks! Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching. Log In Sign Up. 5. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 20. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Military Jokes,Really Short Funny Jokes. Thousands of people have viewed the Forces Network post after we dug out some of our top military funnies for your reading. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Following is our collection of Air Force jokes which are very funny. 9. One-celled organisms would out score him in an IQ tests. 41. Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in … (pointing at the sky). Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a good joke. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. 1. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. Funny Military One Liners Jokes “You know you are completely safe when you are sleeping with a veteran. Oh come on, you can admit it. Political, Political Jokes, Jokes. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. When she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously in there. She approached one of the women for an explanation: “What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?” “Land mines,” replied the Kuwaiti woman. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. 36. Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. If two people are talking, and one looks bored, he’s the other one. Couldn’t organise a woodpecker’s picnic in Sherwood Forest. 42. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. Check them out and enjoy! When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. A gross ignoramus, 143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? This is standard West Point and Annapolis heckling, but the goes well beyond the service academies and reach into the regular Army and Navy, among pilots, special forces, and other units as well. I don't do a lot of political jokes. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. As we celebrate Veterans Day on November 11 th, we must celebrate it with smiles and what’s better than clean Veterans Day jokes that make a wonderful share on this special day.Share with army, navy, air force, marine corps, the funny military one liners jokes. (Note: this does NOT search Photos – use Search function on Photo Galleries! Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Press J to jump to the feed. Marines Say “OOOOORAH!” This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. 30. – A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! Two Marines are walking down the street when one of them spots a dog licking himself. There are some air force aero jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or … Many thanks to the people who have helped support the website by Paypal donations. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. . Clicking on an advert helps to pay the bills. Absolutely hilarious one liners! I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won Gold Medals in the middleweight division boxing, archery gold, wrestling and a 2 golds in the Olympic games. User account menu. He looked over at the Soldier and said “when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, it’s so juvenile!”. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. 4. Happy Veterans Day.” Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the “About Us” tab. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship. Bob Hope. Share. There are also military puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. That dog might bite you!” The military and real estate Eat up! USMC: OHH! Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. 1. If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. 15 Clean Jokes And One-liners That Will Make Everyone Laugh. USN: Helos 13. Military Hospital. This officer can be likened to a small puppy – he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up. This Officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!” Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?” Marine: “Wait, stop. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is long dead. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..." 26. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. Here are some classic Army and Navy jokes that are good G rated humor. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. There are two types of people in the world. Now, let’s try it again!” Oneliners r/ oneliners. Here are funny military jokes and puns. Please enable JavaScript on your browser to best view this site. Couldn’t organise 50% leave in a 2 man submarine There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Do you have change for a dollar?” Funny Army Jokes and Puns that will make you laugh. You will love these jokes whether you are in the army or not. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Happy Veterans Day.” “Veterans are the real heroes who often miss the spotlight. "So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. He’s so dense, light bends around him. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. . I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Top 16 Marine Jokes Posted on October 8, 2018 October 1, 2018 Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Takes him 1.1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes. Bob Hope. You can explore military airforce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. How the website is paid for is explained here. Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! He has been working with glue too long. 3. 37. 38. Navy and CG Say “HOOOOOYAH!” When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. ... One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. Ashamed Soldier (1/18/2011) Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Because the Army needed heroes too. Take caution, though, these babies are … After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. 19. 14. 1. I would not breed from this Officer. We have the best jokes about the Army, and jokes about the Navy, Seals, sergeants, etc. 32. 28. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Book. They all originally set out to become Marines. The occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of apathy and indifference. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”. 4. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Military is tough, but it can be fun with some military jokes.
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