Patton Oswalt Comedian. I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. I told her, "You did it last week!". I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. Share with your friends. Enjoy the best Henny Youngman Quotes at BrainyQuote. Tim Garcia Photo Daily Comedy My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him. Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. Cruise Cardinal Pleated Jeans The man does this. Jimmy Carr Comedian. Back to image Follow The Telegraph. It only seems longer. Henny Youngman Comedian. Henny Youngman, the undisputed king of the one-liners, whose quip "Take my wife -- please," defines a comedic style, died Tuesday in New York. Bad Newspaper The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." Image and video from YouTube. The woman says, You're seventy four. He was 92. She said, "We can't do that!" Jayson Musson is a very popular man in the art world. "Biography/ Personal Quotes". A guy complains of a headache. Bob Newhart Stand-up comedian. All Rights Reserved. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. She said, "In the lake.". Take my wife, please! Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I stepped on a rake. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. Veegle I'm a water sign. The grandson is playing on the beach when a … A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. Laugh along with classic comedians like Johnny Carson, Milton Berle, Jack Benny, Groucho Marx, Jerry Lewis, Flip Wilson, Don Rickles, Dick Cavett, Steve Allen, Henny Youngman, George Burns and other celebrity guests including George C. Scott, Ed Sullivan, Don Drysdale, Chet Huntley, Steve Lawrence and Rex Reed. She said, "We can't do that!" Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer. Movie critic Roger Ebert recalled, “I once observed Henny Youngman taping a TV show in the old NBC studio at the Merchandise Mart. I'm offended by political jokes. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. Eddie Izzard Comedian. Together we make mud. Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994, There is a mistake in the text of this quote. A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." Check 3 friends. The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair? Henny Youngman Jokes 1 Airline Jokes Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. Dom Irrera Comedian. Another guy says, Do what I do. Bad Menu They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. With Tommy Dorsey, Jimmy Dorsey, Steve Condos, Glenn Derringer. I've been doing nothing for years. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Copyright © 2018 Funny2, Inc. – Henny Youngman profile quotes A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. Six. EBOOK ONLINE Henny Youngman s Big Book of Insults: More Than 300 Slights, Snubs, and Offensive It's not true that married men live longer than single men. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! The man leaves. Henny Youngman heckles Milton Berle on a hilarious 1966 Hollywood Palace With Johnny Carson, Skitch Henderson, Ed McMahon, Sam Cooke. A man is at the bar, drunk. The man comes back and says, He goes to your house! Yes, I sure did. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Find the latest tracks, albums, and images from Henny Youngman. The funny thing is, though, most of his fans probably have no idea who he is. By the way, you have a nice house! The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! www.imdb.com. In a time when many comedians told elaborate anecdotes, Youngman's routine consisted of telling simple one-liner jokes, … George Carlin Comedian. Too often they get elected. Other articles where Henny Youngman is discussed: stand-up comedy: Origins: …mother-in-law, the henpecked husband—exemplified by Henny Youngman’s famous line “Take my wife—please.” Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet 28 Copy quote. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman. www.imdb.com. Henny Youngman Jokes 7 Wife Jokes My wife is an earth sign. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); And the Youngman style was perfect in 1974 when New York Telephone instituted its new Dial-A-Joke service, where callers heard six of Henny's gags in a one-minute call. www.imdb.com. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse. "Biography / Personal Quotes". TYWKIWDBI Take off your clothes and bend over. Rodney Dangerfield Comedian. Even after achieving legendary status, Youngman never refused performing in a small venue or unknown club. Bits & Pieces Youngman, a British-American Jewish comedian and violinist, was very popular in the 1950s and 1960s, with many appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show and on Laugh-in. It only seems longer. We were married for better or worse. Andy Kaufman Entertainer. "Okay, you're ugly too! Five. In his four-hour interview, Milton Berle (1908-2002) fondly recalls "Mama Berle" and her influence on his early career when he started performing as a child in vaudeville. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) coined this much-imitated one-liner in 1937. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" Find the latest tracks, albums, and images from Henny Youngman. Four. Who says nothing is impossible? For 115 years, this East 55th Street clubhouse heard more BS than is now in the Senate. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Rita Rudner Comedian. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, Henny Youngman (1994). Or Two Sets For The Price Of One" on Discogs. If they are okay, you're it. Listen to music from Henny Youngman like Take My Wife, Please! Follow Unfollow. He discusses how his vaudeville background prepared him for television, talks extensively about the success of Texaco Star Theater, and reveals how he earned the moniker "Uncle Miltie." He speaks of the … The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat! Henry "Henny" Youngman (original Yiddish surname Yungman; 16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was an English-American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner"; his best known one-liner being "Take my wife ... please".. I said, 'Try the kitchen.'. I told her, "You did it last week!" Not just any joke, but a Henny joke -- a series of rapid-fire classic golden oldies by Henny Youngman (1906-1998), who was known as the king of one-liners. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. The Friars.Once the George Burns, Joan Rivers, Milton Berle, Groucho Marx pit stop. My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. A man goes to a psychiatrist. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet. Drinks right out of the bottle. Eddie Pepitone Actor. Henny Youngman Wiki 2020, Height, Age, Net Worth 2020, Family - Find facts and details about Henny Youngman on wikiFame.org The man leaves. We got into an elevator together. Funny, Thinking, Men. 26 Copy quote. Emo Philips. Playing via Spotify Playing via YouTube The man says, How can you tell? Every day we present the best quotes! Funny2, Miss Cellania The drunk says "Okay, let's get started. The woman says, You told me yesterday. "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "Biography/Personal Quotes". Jimmy Pardo Comedian. Finally, I let her out. A drunk was in front of a judge. I said, "Where's the car?" and One-Liners - Dolly Parton (Jfl 1987). Quotations by Henny Youngman, American Comedian, Born March 16, 1906. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Listen to music from Henny Youngman like Take My Wife, Please, The Best Of The Worst Of... (Excerpt) & more. View credits, reviews, tracks and shop for the 1970 Vinyl release of "Sol Hurok Does Not Present...The Best Of The Worst...Of Henny Youngman" on Discogs. "So you're single!" View credits, reviews, tracks and shop for the 1978 Vinyl release of "Take My Album, Please! Right Angle Portraits. His YouTube account has over 900,000 views, and his fans are rabid. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! ", I bought my wife a new car. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are.
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